I am living in a dream, or is it a dream I'm living?

She opened up my heart when I wasn't ready to let her in.
I swore I wouldn't go through this again by welding a steel plate around my heart..
but she still found a way to enter. Damn her!
I can't believe I am even speaking to myself again.
I'm throwing myself against the wall, and slapping myself 'til I confess..
Why am I so damn weak? Why am I allowing this to happen to me.. yet again?
I'm Guilty as charged without the need for a jury.. because my peers don't know me,
they're just lonely.

As I turn the other cheek, it doesn't matter..
My face is already numb to the pain because my heart has taken over the show,
and I'm the fool in the spotlight again.
This time, I'll be the one to run the other way. I don't want this. Can't have this!
What potion did I drink that dares bring me back to this familiar place where hurt is the only chaser?
Damaged and ravaged by the savages who took liberty with my innocence, and my trust.
Now I'm left with a shellgame that I was not meant to win because my past sins are starting to catch up.
And yet, she touches me even though I know she has no idea what she is really doing.

I'm gonna pop a vein if I allow her to remain.
The others couldn't compete with the heat of my secrets.
Neither will she.. but this one just doesn't seem to understand..
A broken vessel needs time to heal without the help of a kiss, or a body that just won't quit.
I've had enough of it. Yet I continue to indulge in the lust that lingers as a reminder of my time in solitary confinement. I didn't ask for this.. it just is.
And so, I act out my need, and I feed my addiction which is in constant confliction with my soul.
Who I am is not who I appear to be.
It's the boy inside of me that always drives 'em crazy.
But I am innocent no more.. and yet, she still knocks on the door of my hesitant heart.
What's wrong with her?

I really must be worth something to her if she's still here..
Or have I just hit the lotto with another broken vessel?
Is she a co-dependent freak acting sweet, or an independent soul like me?
Let me see..
I can either wind up with her in heaven.. or spend the rest of eternity without her in hell.
Only time will tell if I learned my lessons well.
Until then, I gotta do something about these tears I keep crying inside whenever I feel love.
The boy may have been stripped of what it is to feel joy.. but the man has grown to understand..
She's not the answer to my problems,
But she just may be the answer to my prayers.
Only God could be responsible for placing her here..
So, what is there to fear?
His choices for me will always be much better than mine.
But I have to admit, giving in has taken me some time.
Doing so allowed love to find me when I wasn't even looking
When I was on the search, I couldn't find a thing..

It's like they say.. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder..
And what I've come to realize is.. What I be holding is beauty.

It's never too late to grow up.

Glenn Angel

For my Lyrical Sanctuary family ..

What I witnessed was a blessed dream that became a reality..
My heart was taken hostage, and was compeled to be moved in so many ways that it was not prepared for.. practically left in a tranzic daze after the dust settled from the explosion of emotions that took place right in front of my face. The Master let His Spirit in and said, "Check this out, son." He brought some angels my way. Some had fallen hard so many times before, but they still decided to come through my open door. They decided to push on through, and prove that God was in our midst. How could I resist? It sort of went like this:

Young voices, seasoned voices, loving voices, tired voices, lonely voices, trembling voices, soft voices, powerful voices, loud voices, deep voices, left with so little choices, but a sanctuary was born out of those voices who cried out, "I matter!"

Why me, Lord? Why us? Could it be You knew we needed this.. needed each other? Did You already know that many of us still need some healing, while we were revealing? I'm at a loss for the right words because what I saw could not compare to what I heard. Sacred verse after sacred verse. Young voices, seasoned voices, loving voices, crying voices.. left with few choices because we did not want to leave.. just believe that.. "I matter." And matter, we do. Matter, we always did. Like a kid looking for approval, I was schooled by a group of humbled souls who were not willing to be hurt and fooled anymore. We matter because we love, and we care.. for others as well as one another. We feel, and we are, most definitely, real. Can't imagine where I would be now had I not experienced this miracle somehow. I matter because I know I am loved. We matter because we love, admire, and support one another.. just as God intended it to be before we even met. A timeless lesson I will not soon forget.. I matter.. I matter.. Thank God.. I matter!

So, what happens now? Is this the end? No, my friends. You see.. that's the best part of this all. God has so much more in store. New doors are being opened for us to walk through, only we are more confident, and better equipped to move all our past obstacles out the way through our new-found faith. We matter.. and whoever gives us an ear will know it. Taking no prisoners, man. Leaving it all out there.. and when the dust settles, I will bear witness to the fruit of this miracle.. and I will take a sweet bite for only to taste what I denied myself for far too long.. I matter.. I matter.. WE MATTER!

Fear shattered. Love re-established and reborn. And now, what do I see for these prophetic, poetic souls and me?
I humbly, yet confidently say this with a grateful heart, and the biggest of smiles..

Endless possibilities................


Glenn Angel