I am living in a dream, or is it a dream I'm living?

She opened up my heart when I wasn't ready to let her in.
I swore I wouldn't go through this again by welding a steel plate around my heart..
but she still found a way to enter. Damn her!
I can't believe I am even speaking to myself again.
I'm throwing myself against the wall, and slapping myself 'til I confess..
Why am I so damn weak? Why am I allowing this to happen to me.. yet again?
I'm Guilty as charged without the need for a jury.. because my peers don't know me,
they're just lonely.

As I turn the other cheek, it doesn't matter..
My face is already numb to the pain because my heart has taken over the show,
and I'm the fool in the spotlight again.
This time, I'll be the one to run the other way. I don't want this. Can't have this!
What potion did I drink that dares bring me back to this familiar place where hurt is the only chaser?
Damaged and ravaged by the savages who took liberty with my innocence, and my trust.
Now I'm left with a shellgame that I was not meant to win because my past sins are starting to catch up.
And yet, she touches me even though I know she has no idea what she is really doing.

I'm gonna pop a vein if I allow her to remain.
The others couldn't compete with the heat of my secrets.
Neither will she.. but this one just doesn't seem to understand..
A broken vessel needs time to heal without the help of a kiss, or a body that just won't quit.
I've had enough of it. Yet I continue to indulge in the lust that lingers as a reminder of my time in solitary confinement. I didn't ask for this.. it just is.
And so, I act out my need, and I feed my addiction which is in constant confliction with my soul.
Who I am is not who I appear to be.
It's the boy inside of me that always drives 'em crazy.
But I am innocent no more.. and yet, she still knocks on the door of my hesitant heart.
What's wrong with her?

I really must be worth something to her if she's still here..
Or have I just hit the lotto with another broken vessel?
Is she a co-dependent freak acting sweet, or an independent soul like me?
Let me see..
I can either wind up with her in heaven.. or spend the rest of eternity without her in hell.
Only time will tell if I learned my lessons well.
Until then, I gotta do something about these tears I keep crying inside whenever I feel love.
The boy may have been stripped of what it is to feel joy.. but the man has grown to understand..
She's not the answer to my problems,
But she just may be the answer to my prayers.
Only God could be responsible for placing her here..
So, what is there to fear?
His choices for me will always be much better than mine.
But I have to admit, giving in has taken me some time.
Doing so allowed love to find me when I wasn't even looking
When I was on the search, I couldn't find a thing..

It's like they say.. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder..
And what I've come to realize is.. What I be holding is beauty.

It's never too late to grow up.

Glenn Angel